wishin’ and hopin’

Here is my aforementioned unabashedly indulgent summer* reading wishlist, and how I’m progressing with it so far. The aim is to beg, borrow and buy for cheap as many books as possible. (I’ve been selling books in order to buy others, thus leaving me in minimal book-related debt… Or that’s the idea, anyway.)

The Help – Kathryn Stockett – BOUGHT IT!
American Wife – Curtis Sittenfeld – BOUGHT V CHEAPLY AT TESCOS! READ IT! And reviewed it here!
Speed Shrinking – Susan Shapiro – BOUGHT IT! READ IT! And going to review it soon!
The Family Man – Elinor Lipman – ORDERED FROM LIBRARY! Still waiting!
I’m Down – Mishna Wolff
Rockabye – Rebecca Woolf
Family Affair – Caprice Crane
Spiced – Dalia Jurgensen
The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks – E. Lockhart
Pretty in Plaid – Jen Lancaster
Don’t You Forget about Me – Jancee Dunn
The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder – Rebecca Wells – KERIS IS GOING TO LEND TO ME!
The Divorce Party – Laura Dave
Peace, Love and Baby Ducks – Lauren Myracle
Gorgeous – Rachel Vail – BOUGHT IT, READ IT, LOVED IT! And reviewed it here!

*Summer = until the end of September in my world, just so you know.

what i’m (not planning to be) reading

On Five Minutes Peace (another blog to which I contribute), Keris is sharing her summer/holiday reading list and I’m going to share mine soon, too. 

But thing about reading is that you can never make a plan. There’s always the chance that you’ll be dragged off tangent and I almost always am. Here are some of the non-wishlist books I sneaked in almost behind my back…

A Little Bit Wicked quickly shot to the top of my “to be read” list after seeing an interview with Kristin Chenoweth (seriously, isn’t she adorable?) So I bought a new marketplace copy from Amazon, saving me a good £3 (woo!), and whizzed through it in just over 24 hours. (Then I sold it on and bought something else). Anyway, I really loved it. It’s light without being vapid, and Kristin keeps a lot to herself but is emotionally honest enough for the reader to feel they know her better. She’s especially honest about her relationship with Aaron Sorkin, which is fascinating, and her lovely bubbly personality shines through, while at the same time revealing her humanity. If you’re not a fan of Kristin, musical theatre, or celeb memoirs, it’s probably not for you, but I found it a real feel-good read.

Unsticky wasn’t on my summer reading list either, and although Keris had said she really liked it, I wasn’t sure I’d make time for it. But then Keris picked it for the FMP book club, which gave me a good reason to try it. And I’m glad I did. Packaged as a bonkbuster for the 21st century and at a hefty 500+ pages, I wasn’t sure if it was my cuppa tea, but it has a LOT of heart and even more brain. I’m still mulling over whether it ended the way I wanted it to but I’ve gone into much more detail about that in the book club discussion over on FMP. 

I spotted Of Cats and Kings when I was having lunch with my mum in a teeny-tiny bookshop/cafe. Drawn in by the title, the fact it related to cats and the fact that I’d read a previous book, Claudius and I, by the same author (Clare de Vries), I grabbed it. Oh, and it was also only £1.50. Kind of an odd memoir, the conceit (that de Vries was going to Burma and Thailand to look for a new cat) was a bit flimsy – as much as I like cats, I’m not quite sure why it couldn’t have been a straight travelogue. It’s so hard to travel round Burma as it is, why make things more complicated? Anyway, I learned so much about oppression in Burma and the awful conditions there, especially interesting to me because my Granddad was there in the war. An odd read, and oddly, considering the subject matter, not a depressing one. Interesting… and it made me really want a Tonkinese (or two).

what goes up

This week was an emotional rollercoaster. It started well: I received a big box of posh chocs and a bottle of red wine, free, from a mystery sender. Woo hoo!

Then I had a rather emotional counselling appointment…

got a very vitriolic letter from someone picking apart something I wrote…

and, worst and most upsetting of all, had to take our old and ill cat Rufus to the vet, where he was put to sleep.

Then I got some pretty good work-related news.

And then I lost the ability to speak or think coherently, ate a lot of sorbet, and cried for quite some time.

Oof.

remember the time

I was never a Michael Jackson fan, as such. I never bought an album, or went to a concert, or tried to Moonwalk. OK, I might have tried to Moonwalk. But I didn’t even see the Thriller video until I was in my twenties, ‘cos my parents thought it would give me nightmares when it came out (I was a sensitive child; they were right).

But the opening bars of Billie Jean will always give me a thrill. Nothing makes me want to dance more than “I Want You Back”. I remember everyone in my class arguing over the words to Smooth Criminal when I was at junior school. I remember feeling a little bit in support of Jarvis Cocker and a little bit sorry for Jacko after Jarvis climbed on stage mid-performance at the Brits.

And when I was nine and a magazine gave away a nearly life-size poster with Madonna on one side and Michael on the other, my loyalties were torn as I turned it over and over unable to choose (which is also how the poster got torn eventually).

We all have our own memories. And that’s why today is sad. Not because we’re being inappropriate in our grief, but because music matters. Music is memories and meaning and feelings.

Jackson’s music made a lot of people very happy, and made him very rich, but I doubt he was ever really happy himself. He was a troubled man with difficult family relationships whose growth as a person was stunted by his rise to fame. He never recovered, never had a normal life.

But Cate at BitchBuzz writes today:

“Perhaps what’s most distressing about Jackson’s death, is the amount of people who think it’s OK to laugh and poke fun at this tragic human being. The facts are, that Jackson was never convicted of child molestation. Ever.

He suffered a childhood of intense pressure and abuse from his father.

It’s clear to anyone and everyone around him that he was not a well man. His life was not a normal life. He loved climbing trees. He got on best with children… because, inside, he was man who never really grew up. He was the real-life, deeply sad, deeply-confusing Peter Pan.”

Let’s have a bit of humanity, and let him rest in peace. His music will live on.

a few of my favourite things

I am very much enjoying the Jack Russell terrier PuppyCam:

That’s all.

update #1: reading

I thought I’d update on how my self-challenge to read 100 books in a year is working out.

Not well.

Although I read three books last week, I’m at 33 and a half for the year so far, which makes it hard to believe I’ll make it to 100 by the end of December. I’m bad at maths, but not that bad at maths.  I’m not sure I care anymore, though – who wants to rush? (Who wants to give up TV?) Not me.

I do however, have loads of books I want to read, so much so I even made a summer books wishlist (on paper!) and coloured in the (bubble-writing) title.

Is this going to manifest the books magically in my life? You never know. I don’t see how, but you never know. I do not have much of a books budget these days, so I’m on a mission to blag, borrow and buy for cheap as many of the books I want as possible. I’ll fill you in on the list and how I’m doing in my quest a little later on.

In the meantime, here’s what I’ve been reading lately:

30-something and Over It

I kept picking this up and putting it down in bookshops, not sure if I’d like it… but then my mum bought a book as part of WH Smith’s Buy One Get One Half Price thingo, so I gave her £3.50 and asked her to buy me this (hey, struggling writers/soon-to-be-students have to be sneaky). I thought it might frustrate me, given that I’m 30 and haven’thad chance to be “over” anything yet, what with my health being a festering cesspool for more than ten years. Thankfully, it didn’t frustrate me at all as the author Kasey Edwards is funny, self-deprecating, very frank about the downsides of her prestigous job and takes a serious look at the issues she writes about, quoting academics and looking at the feminist angle as well as writing about her own ennui. She’s also genuinely had rough times of her own, and her sharing them gives the book a lot more soul. I suspect a lot of “wage slaves” will relate to it, even though (for the most part) Kasey thinks and talks more than she takes action. I related to and was inspired by it myself, but in a kind of quieter way.

The Guernsey Literary and and Potato Peel Pie Society

If history books were a bit more like this unique novel, it would be everyone’s favourite subject. It thoroughly reeled me in, thanks to charming characters, insightful writing and many poignant stories about life in the Channel Islands under German occupation, a subject we hear so little about. Plus it’s epistolary (told in the form of letters)! It reminded me of Nancy Mitford and Eva Rice and those kinds of writers, although it was written this decade. For me, it tailed off *slightly* towards the end and a certain love-match could have been more convincingly foretold but still a great read, perfect for summer, full of humour and heart. Recommended.

Until The Real Thing Comes Along

Keris got me into Elizabeth Berg, and all I can say to her is: Thank you! I now adore her. E Berg. The Berger. The Bergster. She just writes so smoothly. She makes it look so easy to tell a bittersweet story and draw us in and make us care but I’m sure it isn’t easy at all. Her books are comforting and poignant and funny and just pitch-perfect. I wasn’t sure I would like this one because I didn’t relate to the desperate-for-marriage-and-babies narrator. But it was so well told, and spun off in such unexpected directions, I raced through it. I picked this novel up in a charity shop for £1, part of a two-in-one volume (*bargain*) which also includes Joy School, which I’m reading now (so far I don’t like it as much, because the narrator is 12 and I prefer adult narrators but it’s still good).

Testimony

I think of Anita Shreve as a more understated (classier) Jodi Picoult but this book is a slow starter. It was £3.99 for a new hardback (*another bargain*) and I want to persevere, but a few chapters in, it hasn’t grabbed me and I keep finding other things to read. We’ll see.

daily misogyny

I know I shouldn’t get worked up about anything in the Daily Mail, because they publish a certain kind of article (the offensive kind) purely to wind people up because they think it’s great to be “controversial”.

Having said that, I was too disgusted with Liz Jones’ latest article to not blog about it. Called “Fatten me up!” it presents having an eating disorder as just another lifestyle choice for the modern woman.

She is challenged by the Mail to “eat normally” (because that’s all it takes to overcome years of disordered eating and unhealthy self-esteem: a challenge!) so suddenly begins “pigging out” on scrambled eggs made with cream (does anyone make them like this in real life?) and porridge and toast and ice cream and chocolate – racking up an average of 3000 calories a day in total (if she was really going to eat “normally” why not stick to the recommended daily calorific intake for women?) She finds she no longer needs afternoon naps and can stand up without seeing stars for the first time in decades (seriously).

At the end of the piece she decides she’ll never be able to get out of her old habits. She poses sticking out her stomach, which is slightly bloated from being fed for a change. “It makes no sense, but I’d rather be thin than happy or healthy,” she says. It makes sense if you understand that eating disorders are about control and require specialist therapy. Is it really right for the Mail to present the eating habits of someone with a serious illness as if it is just another option for the busy working woman? What next: a bipolar person comes off their meds with ‘hilarious’ consequences?

More (enumerated) objections:

1. Liz, Writing can be therapeutic but journalism and therapy are two different things. One can help what you describe as your “borderline anorexia”, one can not. You got them mixed up.

2. This article not only condones but fetishises an extreme eating regime. I have no doubt it will be linked to on  “thinspiration” and pro-ana sites around the world. Well done, Daily Mail.

3. The Mail captions pictures of a sparrow-like Liz “ultra-slim” as if anorexia is all about looking good, rather than a sad slow death and a mental illness.

4. The article implies it just takes self-control to overcome an eating disorder.

5. I seriously worry that printing ‘epiphanies’ like: “I weigh myself. I can barely look down at the little dial: nine stone, it says. My stomach is huge, like I’m pregnant. I’m horrified…” Will lead normal-sized girls to believe they’re enormous, unhealthy or disgusting. There’s no need to ever print untrue and uncomfortable neuroses like this except as an illustration of all that is wrong with how women talk about our bodies. And that’s not how this is presented. Shame on you, Daily Mail.

Again.

heinous

I read yesterday that a 67 year old American doctor, George Tiller, was murdered. IN HIS CHURCH. The motivation for the crime? Dr Tiller performed abortions when asked, including late-term abortions.

See (in his own words) why he felt his work was so important, and the violence he had survived before now, here.  [Via Kat]

He sounds like a very principled, brave and dedicated human being, someone who took his responsibilities to his patients seriously, even putting them before his own safety. He was shot? He went right back to work helping people, saving lives. We need more doctors like this, not less.

The one good thing about this tragedy is that it keeps us talking about women’s right to choose, and reminds us that there are feminist doctors fighting our cause and upholding our rights.

In related news, the excellent Jo Payton has an important book, Abortion: The Essential Guide, out now.

who cares if you’re gay?

Because I’m obsessed with issues around sex, gender, sexuality, sexual orientation and discrimination (!) I perk up when anyone opens a discussion on any or all of those topics in a public domain.

So when @alexthegirl aka: writer, artist and online entreprenuer Alex Beauchamp (of whom I am a big fan, by the way) said on Twitter:

I don’t understand; if we’re all supposed to be equal, why do we have to know if someone is gay? Why is that often a question? Who cares?

I had to chime in. I had to. I can’t help myself.

But 140 words didn’t allow me to say what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say was not just in reply to Alex. It was to the question she asked, the very valid point she raised, which many other people seem to be asking on this very topic:

Why bother?

Why bother saying “I’m gay” or “I’m straight”? If we are all equal either way, why does it matter?

On one hand, it hardly affects me if someone else is gay. I don’t see much point speculating over someone’s sexuality – especially someone I don’t even know.

On the other, I think it’s crucially important that gay people are out and proud. If Hollywood stars don’t come out for fear that they will be judged, their young fans (gay and straight) get the message that it is wrong to be gay. It reinforces the self-hate some gay people feel due to discrimination. It compounds the lie that being gay is shameful.

So it doesn’t matter that people are gay – but it does matter that they are honest about it. And the fact that many teenagers can not be honest about it for the very real fear of being bullied or even killed is proof that as a society, we do not consider homosexuality to be acceptable.

Although gay and straight people are of equal worth, we are not treated equally.

Do straight people have to worry about holding hands with their lover for fear of being publicly attacked? Do straight people face being alienated by their families for falling in love with a member of the opposite sex? Are straight people the subject of hate campaigns when they want to adopt kids or get married?

The idea that someone’s sexuality isn’t important at all sounds kind of nice. Until you realise that sometimes (and I do not think that this was why Alex was saying it, but it is why some people say similar things) it’s a more sophisticated way of saying, “we’ll tolerate you being gay but stop yapping about it all the time, will ya?” (Which is not tolerant at all. And who wants tolerance anyway? That’s not the same as acceptance.)

Being straight is probably the least important part of who I am. Being gay might be the least important part of a gay person’s self-concept – or it might be the most important and they might want everyone to know about it. Either way, it’s not possible to make a direct comparison between the two (“I don’t tell everyone I’m straight all the time!”) because straight people are not an oppressed minority and gay people ARE. Our sexual orientation is culturally and socially enshrined as the norm, seen as the ‘default’ option from which others stray (most people are evolved enough to think that this is by nature, but gayness is still seen as the ‘other’). It’s lazy of us to think that way, but it’s been deeply ingrained in us and our culture reflects it back to us all the time. Thinking that people may be different to the majority requires effort for most of us, requires some hefty re-education of our lazy assumptions about the world.

Our society is very casually heterosexist, where it’s acceptable in many circles to make jokes about being “worried about” men who spend a lot of time with their friends (‘cos they might all be gay! Oh no!), where we talk about having “girl crushes” and “man crushes” – terms we use to refer to platonic admiration so we can talk about loving people of the same sex without being mistaken for being gay. I am not immune to this myself (I’d be surprised if any straight person in our culture was), it is sometimes a surprise when I find out someone is gay, as if that were not an option all along – but I am not proud of that fact.

Speaking of culture (kind of) a good way to measure how our society feels about certain things is to look at the TV shows we produce. I’m serious.

TV is a mass-market product, it has to appeal to as many people as possible. It does so by reflecting and reinforcing the social values and established status quo. If it does not succeed, we don’t watch. (This is why the success of Desperate Housewives makes me kinda sad: although it is well-written, well-acted and can be insightful and charming… it’s also deeply retrograde, sexist and heteronormative, not to mention obsessed with Bible-style eye-for-an-eye revenge. Yes there are two gay couples, but they both aspire to live just like the straights on the street. Except they never kiss or have sex or get a storyline.)

We very rarely see a non-heterosexual world view on our screens. And gay people are usually presented as sex obsessed and shallow men (Queer as Folk), camp and funny men (Will and Grace), not gay-seeming gay men (Will and Grace) or glossy lesbians (The L Word). We never see gay people on TV where their sexuality is incidental rather than a plot point.

Over the last few months, I’ve become a huge fan of the video blogs on After Ellen, which I consider to be the best pop culture website around. When you read the site, watch the vlogs, and see the reader comments though, you realise how far this lesbian utopia is from what we, as a straight society are used to.

As a straight lady with no gay friends (not by design!) I am not used to hearing women talk about which famous women are attractive (Angelina Jolie is a big favourite but Cate Blanchett has a huge following too), or about what it is like having a relationship with someone of the same sex or whether they are butch or femme. Yet why shouldn’t I be? Not everything I read or watch has to be a direct reflection of my experience. What a boring world this would be if it was. And what a lot of great entertainment I would miss out on.

Of course, all of this presupposes a binary view of sexuality in the first place. Many people identify more with the idea of some kind of Kinsey-style sexuality continuum. And we haven’t even talked about intersex or transgender people who might identify more with the idea of a gender continuum, where people are neither exclusively male nor female. (Because of the medical establishment’s inability to so far to replicate working male genitalia F to M transexuals may have an outwardly male appearance with female genitalia. Are they men, women, both, or something in-between?)

So taking into account that this discussion does not adequately cover the range of sexualities on offer, and considering, for simplicity (and because many of us choose to define ourselves as either gay or straight) that binary view…

It doesn’t matter that people are gay – anyone who hates someone for that reason is so ignorant that their view doesn’t count.

And yet it matters a whole lot. In order to prevent discrimination and to educate the next generation we need to understand as much about as many different life experiences as possible. We need our culture to reflect everyone within it, and for everyone to be equal in the law and in people’s minds. We need gay people to show us who they are, to share their lives and their subcultures with us, to be as quiet or as loud about their sexuality as they need to be. And we need them to feel accepted and for everyone to understand that gay is OK – a message that has sadly still not sunk into the brains of a large portion of the population. (You only have to look at Tuesday’s ruling on gay marriage in California to see that).

Who cares if people are gay? I do. And I hope I’m not the only one.

uh, no.

Bad move, Cali. Really not cool.